Pain and Craziness

Well, todays walk was 2.75 miles in 60 minutes.  It hurt like hell.  My heels are blistered and raw, the bandaids and thick socks are no longer helping.  I'm beginning to get blisters on my toes and on the undersides of the balls of my feet and bottom sides of my heels (under my considerable callouses). 

I realized that this pain is temporary, but it's taking over.  My body didn't feel bad during the walk, just my feet.  However now, my feet hurt (except my heels) when I walk on them.  My knees, ankles and hips are all aching as well as my lower back and shoulders. 

Baby Pie isn't having a good day.  She woke up in a foul mood this morning.  Hubby yelled at Bug this morning before school.  And I hurt.  I could just cry and sleep.  Not sure in which order.

I'm frustrated by the lack of speaking with words that Baby Pie does.  Again I could just cry.

The house looks like it's thrown up on itself.  I replaced my broken ironing board a few weeks ago, just to find that the replacement itself was broken.  I'm in desperate need of some sewing time.  I returned the replacement last evening.  Every surface in this home is piled with stuff.  I long to have a place that has enough room for me to organize and put away.  When I put things away in this house I feel like I'm jamming things in a spot just because that's the only place to put them, not because it's logical or because they are with like things.  Thus, very little gets put away and it all piles up.  The more clutter this house has the more anxiety I have.  I realize that is part of my problem today.  The other part of my problem is that I HURT from exercising and that every time I stand up to try to deal with any of the clutter, Baby Pie is following me whining.  So here I sit, watching her "read" a book to herself.

It just doesn't seem right that taking care of yourself should hurt so much.  Why is that?  It doesn't hurt to eat too much of the wrong things. That seems backward to me.  A McDonalds coke and fries should instill pain while exercising should feel like an fulfilling pleasant experience.

I know this pain is temporary.  It is because I've not take care of my body for 2 years.  I have to do extra to undo the damage I've done.  I've not yet stepped on the scale to see if it's going in the right direction.  I know from experience that especially in the first weeks of an exercise program, a body tends to retain fluid in an effort to help the muscles heal, etc.  I am going to be bummed on Saturday morning if the scale hasn't moved though.

The other part of my craziness today is again the clutter, but it's the baby toy clutter that's driving me bonkers.  I cannot even begin to put Pies toys away or in order because she follows me and dumps, spreads and basically undoes all the cleaning and picking up I do in front of her.

I've been praying.  Praying for strength to get through this point.  Strength to continue exercising.  Praying for peace in my heart.  Peace to let go of the frustration with Pie.  Praying for perserverance.  So I can see myself through to being healthy again.  So I can get this house cleaned up and presentable.  So I am not as frustrated with the reappearing clutter, laundry and dishes that seem to encompass my existance.

Painfully Praying,

Me