Whatever

We had a freak snowstorm today. We made it all winter without any snow days. And today, the beginning of the 4th week in April we had one. I was super happy to hang out here in the house and not step outside at all. Thus, only Bug went out to play in the snow. Probably not a great parenting moment, but definitely not my worst of the day either. It's still snowing, so I'll probably get a do over tomorrow, if I so choose.




"Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9

In many situations I really feel like saying "whatever".  Not the whatever that Paul is speaking of in Philippians, but the whatever of the modern culture that says, I don't care - do what you want.  That is not the attitude I should be projecting in front of my daughters.  I'm afraid that I did a lot of "whatever-ing" today.  The second full day of hubby's TDY and Bug had her first snow day of the year, so the 2 day weekend turned into a 3 day weekend and I was on edge.  I was snippy and raised my voice at both girls - like Baby Pie has any idea why momma was yelling at her.  Yes, I yelled at Baby Pie and the look of confusion and pain that I got from her hurts in my heart.  Yet, it made me feel guilty, which added to the snippiness and resulted in even more raised voices and misunderstanding.  Looking back, yes, I should have just walked away for 2 minutes, closed my eyes, said a prayer, looked for an appropriate quote and calmed and centered myself.  I've seen the quote that children are not an inconvenience - unfortunately today - I admit - I felt that my girls were. 

That takes me back to Paul's "whatever".  True.  Honorable. Just. Pure. Pleasing. Commendable. Excellent.  Worthy of Praise.  What better words to describe what it means to be a mother.  Or maybe I should say what better words to describe the goals of being a good mother.  To be a mother that my girls will remember, not for always yelling, but for being there, playing, supporting and listening.  A mother that provides consistency.  Thankfully - we have forgiveness and tomorrow.  I know Bug has forgiven me - we talked and seem to be on the same page.  Baby Pie is another story.  I can only assume that she's either forgiven me or forgotten because she was her happy normal self before bed.  At a few days short of 18 months, she has yet to say mama. I am dada.  She has words for a few object and our cat and dog.  But she knows what we're saying and can follow pretty complex directions.  Yes, that was off topic. 

The other thing I've done these last few days was a lot of stippling on Aria's quilt.  A lot of stippling.  Let me see.  Quilting night on Thursday was 3 hours - ok, make that 2 1/2 giving time for set up and tear down.  Then 2 hours on Saturday, 2 hours on Sunday and 3 hours today.  So that's 7 1/2 hours stippling.  Phew.  I love how it looks.  Love.  Love.  Love.  I need to decide if I'm going to do a traditional binding or a quicker machine sewn binding.  Then I need to trim the sides and bind it.  I also need to work on getting Pipers quilt done.

So - whatever - Paul's "whatever" - ". . .think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9

Magical Days

No, I've not gone on a trip to the "Magic Kingdom".  Our budget just won't allow it.

It's just that these last few days with my girls, my mom and my hubby have been really great.  All in their own special way. 



If you look carefully in the lower right
corner - you'll see my foot.  It's the
closest I'll be to the beach for a few months.

We've played in the sand and water table.

We've swung on the swing set and gone down the slide.  Well, the girls have - not the grown-ups.


Today my mom and I  danced the Hokey Pokey with Baby Pie.

On Sunday my mom and I made beautiful butterfly creations with Bug to hang on her canopy, which we did today.

The violets are in full bloom.  Our
backyard is  carpeted with beautiful
purply blue blossoms.

I had a day of creative bliss today.  This morning I helped with the craft at our MOPS meeting - we did the tie-dye with a sharpie and alcohol.  It seemed to go over really well.  When I came home, mom had threatened to force (guilt me) me into sorting through the stack of three weeks worth of mail, but instead we had lunch and played 2 games of canasta before Bug got home from school.  We then taped fishing line to the butterflies so they can hang under her canopy.  This evening I went to the local quilt shop and sewed from 6-9:30 - bliss.  I have two baby quilts ready to be quilted.  I will start on them on the Thursday work night at the quilt shop, or maybe tomorrow if I have time.

This morning, I was trying to get out the door a bit earlier ie. faster than usual...everything just seemed to be falling into place to slow me down.  I finally had to really take a breather when I dumped my compact on the floor and all my makeup went everywhere and the blush shattered.  UGH.  It had to be cleaned up, so I had to slow down.   I made a conscious decision to not get flustered and crabby - that would have been really easy to do.  I thought to myself, this is God telling me that when you push too hard and too fast things go awry.  I thanked God for slowing me down and asked him to help me be positive and pleasant today.

Galatians 6:9  "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." 

This was part of the devotion today at MOPS.  Let us not become weary in doing good.  Being a good mother is wearisome.  It takes hard work and decision making.  Some are easy decisions - no Baby Pie you are not allowed to play in the street.  Some decisions are harder - do I suffer through the crabbies or allow the television to help distract and calm (zone out) the toddler?  Coming up with nutritious and varied meals is a challenge that is wearisome.  But knowing that at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up is a promise that I cannot refute!  Some of the reapings are small - little ones using manners correctly without prompting.  Some of the reapings we may not see until our little ones aren't so little anymore and have to make more "grown up" decisions and some may not be seen until our babies are grown ups.  I have to keep in mind that my actions, attitude, decisions and "goodness" are all part of helping my little humans become grown up, God-fearing productive humans.  Often I get to the end of a day and wonder if I have done enough.  I, the great procrastinator, always say to myself, I can always do better tomorrow.  But I have to also remind myself that I only have a finite number of tomorrows with my little humans before they're grown and gone.

So much to think about and ponder and thank God for as I go to bed tonight.

Mommy Guilt

Today was the kick off for the new year of MOPS, Mothers of PreSchoolers, in our area.  I truly enjoy this group and get a lot out of the programs and just the fellowship with other moms.

I saw many moms with "new" babies.  The were so small and sweet.  The mom's looked so completely in love and excited to have their babies, to hold them, cuddle them, change their clothes.  I wonder if I even remotely appeared to feel that way with Baby Pie.  I know I did with Bug. 

Baby Pie will be 11 months old at the end of this week.  I'm looking back on this last year and am feeling guilty.  Pie was unexpected and as I've said before rocked my world.  I love her dearly and would do anything for her, but I remember feeling resentful of her presence in my world.  I don't know that I've spent the amount of time doting on her as I did with Bug.  I've had the time to do it, but she also wasn't very receptive to cuddling, rocking and lullabies.  I know I haven't read to her even a tenth as much as I read to Bug, but again, she's not receptive to sitting on a lap or on her own and hearing more than a page or two.

I knew how to parent Bug.  I am lost trying to parent Pie and I feel horrible about it.  I found myself confessing today to another mom that I want to put her in daycare 1-2 days a week so I can have a break from her and she can have a break from me and be around other kiddos her age.  The disbelieving look I got from the other mom was disconcerting.  I found  I needed to justify, justify, justify what I was THINKING about doing.  It's not like I was thinking about putting her by the side of the road for a few hours a day a couple of days a week for a break.  That would make me a bad mom.

Anyway, I took lunch to hubby and cried a bit when I told him what was bothering me.  My dream would be that he stops at the store on the way home and gets me a cheapo boquet.  However, reality is that he'll come home to Pie waking up and Bug unhappily managing homework and leftovers for dinner and he'll tell me how sucky his day was.  He'll ask about my feelings and pick up and carry Pie around, but all will be brushed aside soon enough as he returns to the blow by blow of his day and plans for studying this evening.  There is nothing wrong with reality.  It's how we communicate.  It's part of how our relationship works.  However, I can dream.  I can dream of boquets on bad days.  I can dream.

I hate mommy guilt.  Babies are different.  Children are different.  Parenting, thus, has to be different and aimed at each individual.

“Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the LORD your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.” Joel 2:23 NIV 

Hmm.  This verse was waiting for me on Facebook from Proverbs 31 Ministries when I got home this afternoon.  Rejoice because God has given us rain.  But doesn't rain disrupt things?  Make things muddy?  The clouds cover the sun and the water spits from the heavens.   Warm showers or cold icy downpours both accomplish the same thing - getting you wet.  But isn't it God that send the rains in season?  Doesn't this verse say to rejoice in the rain?  That's hard to do.  That's looking for the silver lining in the dingy gray clouds.

Maybe that's like my rainstorm, the second act of motherhood with Pie.  It's uncomfortable and disrupting. It takes me out of my comfort zone.  This verse reminds me that I need to rejoice in her. That I need to take a step back and look for the silver lining in the chronic diaper rash and the  sleep deprivation.  I need to purposfully enjoy my daughter, and rejoice in her precious life.  Like the dry earth I need to soak up her precious presence in my life and watch what grows from my second act of motherhood.

I love that God is so much greater than all of my problems.  I love that he provides guidance and counsel to me in unexpected ways.