A Hamster Ball Kind of Day

I read somewhere about introverts (of which I am) needing to have alone time to recharge.  This was referred to as time in the hamster ball, where you could have your time and not be interrupted and re-energize. Being an introvert does not mean I am shy.  In fact I'm pretty good at not being shy - it just means that I don't draw energy from being around people like extroverts do.  It drains me - zaps my energy - it takes effort to be chatty and make small talk in a crowd.  It's not a bad effort and generally I enjoy being around people in a party/crowd situation, I just need to recharge by myself later.

I am ready for today to be a hamster ball kind of day.  After a week full of going and doing and lots of interaction with lots of people, I'm looking forward to a low key day at home with my girls.  Hubby has drill - so he won't be home til later this evening.  I might get some crocheting done.  I might not.  I might get some surface decluttering done.  I might not.  I just know that I'm hoping to not go to the grocery store, the local festival or any parties.

Last day of my bronchitis meds.  I'll be so happy to be done with this antibiotic.  It makes you have the most awful taste in your mouth. 

I'm also happy to say that thanks to breaking down in the doctors office when talking about moving, I am now on a med that is helping me to deal with the anxiety and depression that I wasn't coping with very well.  It's not a magic panacea but will allow me to function and be present for my family vs. hiding in bed and crying multiple times a day.


The hoodie towel I made went over well for the birthday girl!  I'm so glad!

There she is hiding in it. 

 

 

Have a wonderful day - whether you are an introvert or an extrovert.  Be kind to yourself!

Two Phrases That Drive Me Nuts!

We're going to be receiving orders to move.  This is going to be a very hard move for me personally.  I'll be hearing these two phrases a lot in the near future.  Hopefully we will be receiving official orders soon.  When we do, I can make the real announcement to all of our friends and acquaintances. 

"I could never do that." and "I could never move that much."

I truly hate these phrases.  I realize they're used as a way of showing empathy and trying to connect.  However, these phrases make me feel like I am on a sort of pedestal.  A pedestal that they feel is somehow reserved for someone stronger than them, or someone foolish enough to live it. My reply is generally along the lines of "It's not easy but you do what you need to." 

This lifestyle isn't something I really married into.  My husband was a reservist at the time and had a full time job.  I knew that he went to drill on weekends and to trainings sometimes during the month.  I knew that deployment was a possibility.  We got married and intended to put down roots and stay in our cozy little community in the eastern panhandle of West Virginia.  However, when the stress, anxiety and depression caused by his job became overwhelming, we made the decision for him to become an active duty soldier. Because of the type of job he has, we've only spent 350 days on a military post, the rest of the time has been "on the economy".  That means that instead of being surrounded by military families that have similar experiences, we are surrounded by civilians that don't always "get it".

I didn't grow up dreaming of moving my children in December every few years.  The army chooses when and where we go, it's not my choice.  I choose to be a stay at home mom and support my husband in a career in which he excels and one he gets incredible job satisfaction from. 

I grew up near an Air Force Base, and had some dreams of moving around when I was in high school. I lived in the same house for 18 years.  But, after 6 years at 3 different colleges, I was more than happy to settle down to raise our daughter with roots that were deep and wide. 

My daughters are getting a much different upbringing than what we had envisioned. They are becoming resilient.  Resilient is a BIG catchword in the Army.  There's actually "Resiliency Training".  My girls are learning about different people, different places and how to step out of their comfort zones much earlier in their lives and with much more ease than many adults I've met.

Moving isn't easy.  Moving isn't particularly fun.  Not moving isn't an option.  I love my husband.  I love my little family. I would not choose to keep us apart just to not have to move.  "Wither thou goest, I will go.  Where thou stayest, I will stay..." Ruth 1:16 

What I really want to say is that if you love your family and your husband you will do what is best for both of them, easy or not.  You will find strength where you didn't know you could find it.  You suck it up, pack the Christmas tree, decorations and the elf on the shelf.  You make sure the elf appears in a different spot in all the hotels you stay in along the way, to reassure your girls that Santa will be able to find them at their new house.  You make sure the first thing in the house is the tree and that it's decorated, often before another stick of furniture arrives.  No matter how attached you are to your current local friends or geographic location you go and do because that's part of loving your family. 

 

In 2009, we spent the months of November and December in a hotel, part of the rooms décor was a tree, so we decorated it.  Fortunately we were able to go to my moms for Christmas eve and day.

We decorated the window too!

A Creative Day

Had a wonderful day! 

Even though my chest is still wheezy and I still cough so hard that I... well I guess you don't need that much info, I managed to spend the day at my local quilt shop sewing.  No, I didn't quilt, but I did use some of my quilting skills for this awesome little project.

My girlfriends daughter is having a monsters themed 3rd birthday party, I was planning on making her a hoodie towel anyway. 

I managed to personalize it and make a really cute girly monster towel complete with crazy spots, spikey spine and eyelashes!

I love it!  I know in the next few weeks I'll be making a princess-y one for my daughters birthday. 

Sewing and creating are so important to my mental health. It's miserably hot and humid here today.  I was thankful to be able to sew in the air conditioned shop!

I can't wait to give this beauty away and see the reactions!  

Have a great day and be creative!!!

Coping

We've been informed that we will be PSC'ing, but don't yet have orders. 

We were lead to believe we were going one place, however, needs of the Army is sending us somewhere waaaay out of my comfort zone. 

I'm coping as best as I can. I'm trying not to eat my way through my grief at being moved before we thought we would be. I'm coming to terms that I'll be leaving some of the best friends I've ever had. That my 2 year old will be leaving the only friends she's ever known.  

My good intention to get my exercise regimen back went out the window a few weeks ago.  Now I have bronchitis and am miserable. 

Feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that needs to be done in the next few months.

I return to my favorite Bible verse, " for I know the plans I have for you, says The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

This is kinda how I feel today. 

Days 5 & 6

Life truly got in the way for day 5. I couldn't get myself up extra early and the  next time I could have walked was 10pm.

I really wanted a nap, but here I am on the blank blank blankity blank blank treadmill. 

Speed set at 3.1. Ugh

Just. 

Want. 

To. 

Be. 

Done. 

Finished 3 miles in an hour. Again the last 10 minutes were the very worst. 

Finding time to do this is hard. It's going to be harder once school starts and K can no longer watch A for me.   It's going to require either getting up early or walking in the evenings, which I generally don't like to do. 

Last time I did this, K was in school and old enough that I trusted her upstairs while I was on the treadmill downstairs, or I walked after she was in school. This is way more challenging. 

Here's to being up to the challenge and overcoming it!

Progress

Today it was hard to get going. Late night as DH left for the airport for his 3 week TDY at 1am. I've been battling insomnia and last night was no different. 

I walked 2.69 miles in an hour today. 

It's going to be a busy week. Gonna have to figure out where to fit fitness into it all. 

I don't know if this should be day 3 or day 4. Gonna call it day 4, since yesterday was a day of planned exercise rest. 

Drum roll!  Weigh in. I've lost 4 pounds. Maybe some day I'll be brave enough to admit my starting weight publicly. 

I am noticing that I feel more put together. Definitely not physical, so would that be emotional or mental improvement.  Dunno. 

I also noticed that soda is tasting excessively sweet and is not so appealing. I remember that from before. I went ahead and bought some Energy Crystal Light, it has caffeine and I am replacing my soda intake with it. 

Well, my girls need a late lunch so off to make pancakes I go. 

Have a wonderful Monday. 

Day 2 - More Steps

Not as sore as I expected to be today, except for my left quad. 

Skipping all but the walk today, which strangely feels kinda good @ 22 minutes in at 2.7mph. Faster than yesterday. 

I hate having the skin under my lower eyelids sweat. 

11 min to go. Up to 3mph. Woot!!

Sweat dripping. So ready to be done. 3:30 to go. 

DONE!  2.75 miles in 60 minutes!  Phew.  

It was difficult to start today. I can't leave Allie unattended, so waited for Katie to get up. 

Glad I did it though. My legs aren't quite so jelly-like now. 

Maybe my body remembers fitness?  

I was extra warm all day yesterday. I'm hoping that's a sign my metabolism is getting a boost already. 

Planning on taking Sundays off like I did before. Weigh in on Monday to see if I have any progress yet. 

I have whole body weariness. I know that it won't last and that I need to get through a few weeks and I'll start feeling more energy through the rest of the day. 

DH is leaving on a TDY in a day or so for just over 3 weeks. I hope he'll be able to see a difference when he gets home!

One Step Begins the Journey

I've made the journey to lose 100+ pounds once before. I was successful in that I achieved the goal, I was however, unable to maintain it. These are my reasons. Poor choices in dealing with stress and living in a hotel while moving, having our second child, being depressed and looking for solace in food. 

I've gained back almost all that I lost before. I am terribly embarrassed by that fact. I also don't like myself very much because of that. Lets face it. No one but me had control over my choices. Choices in food and exercise. 

The following is what I wrote while walking.

This exercise thing just sucks. I highly dislike being hot and sweaty. 

Been on the dreadmill for 15 min. Have 45 to go. My legs feel like jello and I'm not going all that fast. 2.5mph. Feeling lots of things right now, none very positive.

Ok. Determined is a positive feeling. But that's it.

Done. 2.5 miles in 60:51min. I may not be able to move for days.

Before walking I did:

  -15 squats

  -15 sets of lunges

  -20 women's push ups

  -25 crunches

I will be strong, fit and confident again. 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13