Coping

We've been informed that we will be PSC'ing, but don't yet have orders. 

We were lead to believe we were going one place, however, needs of the Army is sending us somewhere waaaay out of my comfort zone. 

I'm coping as best as I can. I'm trying not to eat my way through my grief at being moved before we thought we would be. I'm coming to terms that I'll be leaving some of the best friends I've ever had. That my 2 year old will be leaving the only friends she's ever known.  

My good intention to get my exercise regimen back went out the window a few weeks ago.  Now I have bronchitis and am miserable. 

Feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that needs to be done in the next few months.

I return to my favorite Bible verse, " for I know the plans I have for you, says The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

This is kinda how I feel today. 

Days 5 & 6

Life truly got in the way for day 5. I couldn't get myself up extra early and the  next time I could have walked was 10pm.

I really wanted a nap, but here I am on the blank blank blankity blank blank treadmill. 

Speed set at 3.1. Ugh

Just. 

Want. 

To. 

Be. 

Done. 

Finished 3 miles in an hour. Again the last 10 minutes were the very worst. 

Finding time to do this is hard. It's going to be harder once school starts and K can no longer watch A for me.   It's going to require either getting up early or walking in the evenings, which I generally don't like to do. 

Last time I did this, K was in school and old enough that I trusted her upstairs while I was on the treadmill downstairs, or I walked after she was in school. This is way more challenging. 

Here's to being up to the challenge and overcoming it!

Progress

Today it was hard to get going. Late night as DH left for the airport for his 3 week TDY at 1am. I've been battling insomnia and last night was no different. 

I walked 2.69 miles in an hour today. 

It's going to be a busy week. Gonna have to figure out where to fit fitness into it all. 

I don't know if this should be day 3 or day 4. Gonna call it day 4, since yesterday was a day of planned exercise rest. 

Drum roll!  Weigh in. I've lost 4 pounds. Maybe some day I'll be brave enough to admit my starting weight publicly. 

I am noticing that I feel more put together. Definitely not physical, so would that be emotional or mental improvement.  Dunno. 

I also noticed that soda is tasting excessively sweet and is not so appealing. I remember that from before. I went ahead and bought some Energy Crystal Light, it has caffeine and I am replacing my soda intake with it. 

Well, my girls need a late lunch so off to make pancakes I go. 

Have a wonderful Monday. 

Day 2 - More Steps

Not as sore as I expected to be today, except for my left quad. 

Skipping all but the walk today, which strangely feels kinda good @ 22 minutes in at 2.7mph. Faster than yesterday. 

I hate having the skin under my lower eyelids sweat. 

11 min to go. Up to 3mph. Woot!!

Sweat dripping. So ready to be done. 3:30 to go. 

DONE!  2.75 miles in 60 minutes!  Phew.  

It was difficult to start today. I can't leave Allie unattended, so waited for Katie to get up. 

Glad I did it though. My legs aren't quite so jelly-like now. 

Maybe my body remembers fitness?  

I was extra warm all day yesterday. I'm hoping that's a sign my metabolism is getting a boost already. 

Planning on taking Sundays off like I did before. Weigh in on Monday to see if I have any progress yet. 

I have whole body weariness. I know that it won't last and that I need to get through a few weeks and I'll start feeling more energy through the rest of the day. 

DH is leaving on a TDY in a day or so for just over 3 weeks. I hope he'll be able to see a difference when he gets home!

One Step Begins the Journey

I've made the journey to lose 100+ pounds once before. I was successful in that I achieved the goal, I was however, unable to maintain it. These are my reasons. Poor choices in dealing with stress and living in a hotel while moving, having our second child, being depressed and looking for solace in food. 

I've gained back almost all that I lost before. I am terribly embarrassed by that fact. I also don't like myself very much because of that. Lets face it. No one but me had control over my choices. Choices in food and exercise. 

The following is what I wrote while walking.

This exercise thing just sucks. I highly dislike being hot and sweaty. 

Been on the dreadmill for 15 min. Have 45 to go. My legs feel like jello and I'm not going all that fast. 2.5mph. Feeling lots of things right now, none very positive.

Ok. Determined is a positive feeling. But that's it.

Done. 2.5 miles in 60:51min. I may not be able to move for days.

Before walking I did:

  -15 squats

  -15 sets of lunges

  -20 women's push ups

  -25 crunches

I will be strong, fit and confident again. 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

Mommy Guilt

After a full weekend of single parenting, I'm ready for a break.

Church has been a challenge with Allie, ever since I was pregnant with her.  Of course, instead of feeling like I would pass out or puke, now I have to deal with non-stop active girl.  A girl that would be super happy if I let her wander among everyone, and even happier if she could sing and talk at full volume whenever she wants.

I used to enjoy church.  I don't so much anymore.  It's a weekly chore.  I love my chosen faith and I like the church family we're a part of right now.  The only problem is there is no nursery.  Which means by default the congregation decided that they'd rather have the children in the church and hear them.  Which is fine, but does not allow for the parents to be spiritually refilled.  How can a mama get anything from the sermon when keeping the goldfish crackers from being thrown or ground in the floor, hoping the current activity for said 23 month old to keep her quiet for just 30 more seconds while using mommy super-powers to come up with another activity when that one gets old.  Where exactly does that leave time for hearing God's word and digesting it.

Today we didn't make it through the service.  I couldn't do it.  The people around us deserved to be able to remember something about the service other than how annoying/cute/busy a certain little girl is.

As I was driving away from church today, this thought occurred to me.  The most effective and successful momma's I know are the most selfless ones.  You have to be willing to be selfless as a parent, especially as the primary parent.  You give things up and don't let the resentment about that affect your behavior.  I, however, am not that wonderful, effective and successful momma.  I am selfish.  I resent that I am not able to what I want, when I want, or how I want. I have to take the girls, especially Allie into consideration. 

I was almost in tears, then to break the tension, turned on the local K-Love radio.  I couldn't sit through service, have communion or hear the sermon, but I was able to be fed spiritually - just a bit, and I feel better.

How in the world could I be resentful of these two?

And now I get to pray and realize that I'm not perfect, and that God chose me to be Mother to my girls.  That somehow I'm more suited to this job for them than anyone else in the world.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

I repeat that verse alot.  Repeat it with me. 

Back to Sharing

I don't even know when the last time I wrote was.  Probably sometime this summer.

I've been wanting to post for a while, but have been procrastinating because it's been so long.

I've missed writing my thoughts and sharing my pictures.

I've accomplished lots of quilting and learned some things.

I've contined to parent, sometimes alone, sometimes with Hubby, sometimes with my mom.

I'm finally beginning to feel "at home" in this house only to realize that our time left here is probably shorter than the time already spent here.  That makes me sigh.

I have so many wonderful friends.  I want to have a big party and just celebrate all my wonderful friendships.  I've never done anything like that, it's out of my comfort zone and I'd have to clean.

I need to download and organize all the pictures I've taken this summer.

I need to continue to keep record of the quilts and projects I've done.  That is overwhelming to me.

I worry that the next place I live won't be near a quilt store.

I've ordered my first DSLR camera and I'm anxiously awaiting it's arrival.  It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but I didn't want to wait that long.  My "good" camera died.  I really want to capture the Laurel Highlands this last fall and winter here.  I also want to have a working knowledge of it, so I can capture Christmas this year.

I need to go get the girls ready.  Hubby is meeting a friend and his family for lunch and we get to go too.

Have a Blessed Day!